Why did God give us the gift of marriage? One man and one woman brought together in a single covenant to love one another, to stay true to one another and to become one. Thanks to Hollywood, thanks to television, and thanks to erosion since the garden, we have forgotten. Marriage was given to us for one main reason. As so many other gifts are signs of what are to come, marriage is a gift that points to beautiful union between God’s glorious redeemed ones and his perfect son. This union was paid for by the only one worthy of honor. This marriage was paid for by the blood and water that flowed when his side was pierced. And out of his side, the bride will come. The glorious, perfect, brilliant bride. More beautiful than you can possibly dream! She will come, and she will be with her groom forever, paid for by his blood.
I love my wife. I am growing in my love for her. And I am learning how Christ loves me, how he loves his church. He showers his church with gifts, with blessings. I count pennies. I may want to give her Dermablend, flowers, candies, vacations, military rings or new treasures for work, but I count the cost. Always. I am stingy. His love is overflowing. He didn’t hesitate and doesn’t hesitate to do anything to win our love, our affection. Do I do that with my wife? Do you? Would you lay down your life for her? Do you desire her love and affection more than all else. God does.
Why did he put that tree in the middle of the garden? Why did he allow Satan, that infernal serpent to tempt our mother and father? Why didn’t he just do away with evil when he had the chance? Why does he let it persist? What kind of a God would allow a world like this to rule and reign? Why the injustice?
NO. He is loving. He is patient. He is kind. He is merciful. We played the whore. We slept around. We sold our bodies, our souls for food that does not last, for water that does not quench. We said no to him. We broke his heart. And we continue to!
But there he is, fighting for us, coming into our world to save us from ourselves. Our beautiful one! Our Lord, Jesus! He is worthy! Hallelujah!
There will be a day when we shed this flesh, when we turn away from this corruption. We will have new, perfect bodies, and we will rejoice! On that day, covered in his blood, the perfect bride will become one with her Lord, her husband.
For more on this Divine Romance, see Gene Edwards.
But I think that there is an even more fundamental reality behind God’s gift of marriage, and that is hidden in the mystery of the Holy Trinity itself. All creation of course, bears witness to it’s creator; showing if you will, his trademarks, his characteristic “tool marks’ that reveal something of His workmanship. Even more so, in the creation that He declared He was making “…in our own image.” In the Trinity, we understand God as three-in-one, or more simply, as a “plural unity” That is something we can describe, explain and believe, but I can’t understand it any more than I can understand concepts of quantum physics I know to be true. It is beyond me. But, as made in the image of God (who is a plural unity) He has made a way for me to experience a plural unity. In fact, that is what He is still in the process of making me to be.
As I think on the errors we make concerning the Trinity, either “confusing the persons” or “dividing the essence”, I see great parallels in my own experience of the errors we can make, and I have made, in marriage. I often think of us as One (we are “one flesh”), and fail to appreciate my wife’s individuality. Similarly, it is easy to see myself as separate, and not appreciate the reality of the union. Further, just as there are heresies centered around refusal to accept the equality of persons within the Godhead, so I need to understand that my wife is co-equal with me, and that Jesus’ submission to the Father does not mean that He is in any way subordinate in dignity or divine majesty.
It also seems that this picture of plural unity is perhaps what He intends for all of us together: “… that they all may be one, even as You and I are One…”. There is no way for me to understand what that means through reading or theorizing. I need to live it. Now, we can only begin to walk in that plural unity by restricting it to one other person, and understanding it there, as a lab section to a university course. But then, we will be invited to all, as the Church, to enter into that oneness where our individuality is enhanced, not ended, and be truly one body and the bride of Christ.
The other topic you present is why was there temptation in the unspoiled garden, before the fall? We so often think of temptation as a result of sin, and yet here it is, in the midst of God’s perfection. Indeed, at the heart of that which God called “Good” there existed something capable of killing us, and which in fact did so. Why? And how could He call it good?
One answer is that He sees the end from the beginning, and knows from before the first act of creation what the outcome of it all is to be, knows that it will all come right in the end, knows how He will accomplish that, and understands in His wisdom that this is the only way to produce the creature He intends us to be. It is an excellent meditation to consider what such a being as He intends will be like, and why this whole episode of the fall, bondage to sin, and redemption would be needed to produce it.
The other answer for why was there temptation even in the absence of sin is more to your purpose as a parallel with marriage. I have heard, and probably you have as well, some people suggest that human females are more naturally monogamous than are males; and then give evolutionary arguments for why this may be so. Now, not to get into the discussion of how or even if God uses evolutionary forces to shape humanity, the argument is mostly used to defend male promiscuity as natural, as something we shouldn’t be too upset about “after all, that’s the way God made us!” Well, maybe He did. Maybe He put a stronger temptation in front of me for the same reason that there was a source of temptation in the perfect garden.
We are told that love “seeks not its own way,” that we are to “prefer one another” and “lay down our life” for another. Going back to the earlier quote about how we husbands are to love our wives as Jesus loved the church, “and gave Himself up for her…” Love manifests itself most tangibly by laying something down, in preference for the beloved.
If I were hard-wired for exclusive monogamy, as are some of the animals, my faithfulness to my spouse would only be “doing what I damn well please” In a garden of perfection, how do I demonstrate my love for God, except by choosing for Him, when I have the power of choosing against Him? With my wife, every time my male psyche becomes aware of a desirable female, I am presented with the opportunity again of choosing my spouse, not because I have no choice, but because I do. Once again, I choose you. My faithfulness to her is a gift. How could I give her, or give God, a gift that costs me nothing?
-Blessings!
R. Eric Sawyer
By: R. Eric Sawyer on July 21, 2009
at 7:44 pm
And when I cut and pasted from Word, I cut off the first paragraph! it follows here:
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You address well a couple of issues that have fascinated me for several years.
The first is the reason for marriage. I quite agree with you that it is a sign towards the relationship God intends with us through Jesus. It deeply informs my understanding of His love for us; and even more, when I need an example of how I am to love my wife, I understand it is to be as “Christ loves the church” –as an aside, it is quite interesting that St. Paul addressed that instruction to husbands. He perfectly well could have said “People, love your spouse as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself up for her…”, but he addressed it to husbands only. No such charge is made to my wife!
By: R. Eric Sawyer on July 21, 2009
at 7:46 pm